Golf

It's almost November and it was 70 degrees today. After church I was thinking of what all I needed to do, and decided what I needed to do most was take advantage of the day and play golf. I went to a new course, it's pretty close to my apartment but I haven't been there since I moved here. It's ok...not as nice as the course by my old apartment, but it wasn't bad. I am a really bad golfer, but it is fun. And of course there is always that one shot that keeps you coming back. Today it was my last freaking putt of the game. I couldn't putt to save my life today. I hit the edge of the cup about half the time, but couldn't get the ball in the bloody hole. Until the last hole. Sometimes it's a drive, sometimes a chip shot, today it was a putt that will keep me coming back to the game. I had a rather normal putt lined up, nothing that I hadn't blown already that day...and I had just gotten out of the sand trap. I actually said before the putt that this would have to be the shot to make me come back...and it went in. Why the last hole?

Long Time

It's been a little while since I last posted, but there have been good reasons, which I'll probably get around to in this post.

I am still alive. Let's put that in the win column. I'm sure there are more good things going for me, but life is kind of beating up on me right now.

In college my professor once told me that you're nothing in the TV business until you've been fired. I'm OK with being nothing, but I think I'm on my way to being something. As many of you know, our newsroom had a change in leadership. We thought it might be a good thing and we were wrong. The new guy is...for lack of a better word...not a leader. He tells people what they want to hear (even if he's telling someone else something completely different). He has said things to me and accused me of not working hard or not being a team player and many other things. Things are so bad, that there is no accountability for other people goofing off and not doing their jobs. I'm trying to do about three different jobs and putting in my 60 hours a week while others slack off. I know, I know, welcome to the real world. The point is, it wasn't always like that. Plus our quality has really gone downhill and we are starting to put a really sucky product on the air (compared to what we were doing). A couple of people have already been to the big boss, our general manager, with complaints about the new N.D. and nothing was done. One of them told me that I needed to go see him, because he needed to know how everyone felt about things.

I emailed our boss the things that have been said to me. According to company policy we can go to our boss' boss if we feel there is a problem not being addressed or if we feel we are being wronged. I followed procedure, went upstairs expecting to find someone I thought cared about his employees and his newsroom. Instead I was told that I should find a new job because things weren't going to change and things weren't going to get any better for me. What? Have you ever sat in president's office and have him tell you to quit your job? It was like thanks for the hard work, it was all for nothing. Or, no...I'm ok with us falling apart. He didn't fire me, but said I should start "managing" my leaving the station, so I didn't end up one day with no place to go. I talked with one of our anchors, who has been in this business for so long. He says I should stick with it, becuase he feels in a year or two WHO will be a good place to work again. God Bless the long outlook, but when I'm getting verbally and mentally abused everyday...two years is a long time to "wait it out."

The positives to come out of this. I am learning how respected I am among several key players around Des Moines. I have a lot of good contacts and I have been meeting with them this week. Each one wants to meet me because they respect me and have heard great things about me. I got told I'm a great journalist this week, by someone who used to be the news director at my station. TV news is changing and I am excited about being on the cusp of the "Internet revolution" so-to-speak, but I just don't seem to have the fight left in me. My anchor friend said I really had to make a decision whether or not to stand up on principles or take one for the team. It sounds worse than I know he meant it. He respects me and knows I work hard and knows that all the shows suffer a little when I'm not around. He wants me to think about how much do I need to be right about this...we all know our boss isn't good, but we're all pretty sure he won't be around too much longer after the NY Times sells the station. The question is, do make a stand and say, I shouldn't be treated like this, or do I stick it out and wait for the massive shakeup where I can get in and maybe change things for the better? Tough choices.

For the first time I am really considering getting out of TV news. For good? Maybe. I know I can always go back in, but these past few months have been like finding out Santa Claus isn't real. During one of my meetings this week, an old news director told me "You feel like you're doing God's work" in TV news, but then you step back and realize no one cares. I really felt like I was making a difference and doing good work, but now I see that no one cares. I'm just a number. A little humbling.

Going Home

It has been a while since I wrote last...but I am finally getting settled back into my daily routine. A week ago at this time I was on the road back home. It is a long drive and also in the figurative sense it was a long road back home. I found out that you can go home after all.

I had a blast going home. You never know what to expect when you haven't seen people in a year or more. Visiting my alma mater was quite an experience. It was almost like I had never left. I still knew a lot of people. The best part was being able to reflect on who I was and who I am now. I was a different person then and I had an entirely different vision for my life back then. I never would have thought I would have been where I am now. I thought by this point in my life I would be a reporter somewhere or married or something. I never imagined I would be writing this from my apartment in Iowa. I was reflecting on this very thought as I was on hold waiting for the conference call with the governor today. Am I upset that my life isn't going as perfectly as I had planned? At times...maybe I am. Would I trade any of the experiences I have had walking this path? I would love to get rid of the bad times, but I know that the bad goes with the good and I definitely wouldn't trade the experiences, the friends and the fun times I have had on this wild crazy path I have been on. Perhaps I am taking a detour on my dreams, but at least I'm still traveling.

Control

So I think I might be a control freak...I'm not crazy about it. I just like to have control of any situation I find myself in. This past week work has been crazy because I've been trying to focus on my new job of organizing our election coverage, but at the same time still be involved on the assignment desk. It is so upsetting to me for people to ask me questions that I would normally have the answer to, but not to know because I haven't been dealing with it.

Thursday our other assignment editor is gone, so I'm running the show and I'm actually looking forward to it. Why? Because it means I am in control, I am not getting yelled at for decisions I didn't make. If something goes wrong it's my fault, but if I plan correctly only a few things will go wrong (if nothing went wrong, well that just won't happen in TV news). I think I would like a job where I have less responsiblity some days, but it seems that no matter where I go, I end up in charge of something. I can't run from responsibility. I'm not sure why.

Can't Sleep

Ok...so it's late Sunday night. I have to work tomorrow morning. I can't call in sick I have way too much work to get done. A lot of the work is piled up because I wasn't able to work on it much Thursday or Friday. Thursday the new guy had to leave early...he's got a family and a new house and they were doing something. Perhaps someday I'll understand all that, for now I just accept that apparently there are people that have lives outside of work. Then on Friday there was a big manhunt for an escaped felon. I ended up running a live truck in the morning and coming back to make sense of the chaos and took over running the desk. It wasn't that the new guy wasn't doing a good job, it's just that he's still learning what it means to be an assignment editor and manager. Plus since he's got this "outside-of-work" life and I don't...I can and have devoted way more time to trying to figure out the AE job. No one can every truly master this job I've learned. Maybe Jesus could...though I'm pretty sure by the end of the day he would be cracking a whip and turning over tables like he did with the money changers in the temple.

Well now that I have spewed a few thoughts out, perhaps I can go to bed now. Oh wait...I need to write down my shopping list. Water Filters, trash bags, milk, eggs and some tupperware dishes. That should about do it for things I wanted to get off my mind. Someone remind me to go to the store tomorrow.

Assimilation

I am now an Iowan. As much as I have fought it over the past...well now, nearly two years I made it official today. That's right I got a new drivers license. I took my lunch break and went to the DOT station (and then to my apartment to get my SS card and proof of address and then back to the DOT station). What a mess and what a place that is. In town there was this huge controversy when they decided to build a new DOT station for licensing just outside of Ankeny (the northside of the metro area), moving it away from the north side of Des Moines proper. After having visited that place and having to drive around that neighborhood...I am 100% in favor of the move (yeah there was a shady land deal with the state and lots of tax money was probably wasted...but wow...it was a crazy place to visit). I probably should have gotten my license changed sooner....since I think, legally you are supposed to do that within a month of moving into a new place. No one asked how long I had been in Iowa and I didn't say anything.

The reason I decided to get my license now was so I could register to vote. My new project at work is to coordinate all of our election coverage (on-air and online). It is a huge project, but I have been very politically minded lately because of it. So, I couldn't not vote in this election. Plus the decisions made at the polls will affect me, and if you don't vote...you can't complain. I chose not to register with a specific party (I work in the media and I don't think my political views should be public knowledge and I try to put personal feelings aside for work). I am really looking forward to this election, because Iowa is one of those key political states and this time around the whole project is in my lap. While there is a whole lot of people working on elections, I am organizing the whole thing and it will be my plans in place on election night. Scary and exciting at the same time.

Cheers