Back to Abnormal

Well I'm back to feeling much better now. The day off to mend really did wonders. The best news about the sick day was it put the new guy into a sink or swim position on running the desk. He's doing well. The good thing about him catching on so quickly means I can move to my new project. I am now coordinating our election coverage. We're a month out and there is a lot of work that needs to be done. I am working on assembling a small army of volunteers (high school and college students) to help out on election night. My other big project is to update our election coverage website...that will be the real chore. Today I spent most of the day working on election stuff. I got to go in an office (a real office with walls and a door). Even though I kept the door open (to hear part of what was happening in the newsroom)...it was remarkably quite. I actually got a lot of work done without interruption. It's almost like having a job in the real world. I'm a looking forward to election coverage. We'll see how it turns out, maybe I have a future in advanced planning for stories.

Sick Day

I hate being sick. To me it means I'm weak...I hate weakness within myself. Today I am out sick. I woke up and my head was throbbing along with my back. It wasn't so bad when they the two major throbbing pains synced up with each other, then it was kind of just one big pain all over. I actually had the conversation with myself whether I should get up and go to the bathroom or lay there in the first comfortable position I had been in all night and just let my bladder explode. Laying peacefully won out for about half an hour...then the need to pee won out.



I just got back from the store with some Tylenol Cold. It was a nice checklist...headache, body ache, congestion. Bingo...found my drug.

The thing that really upsets me is that people at work will think I'm faking it. I have been at work when I felt this bad before, but that was when there was no one that could fill my position. Now there is someone else there. He's still new, but is an intelligent guy and can handle it...I think.

Well time to get back to bed and wait for my meds to kick in.

Cheers

Life is Kicking my Butt

During my high school valedictorian graduation speech I quoted a wise man who said, "Find something you like to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life." I followed it up with a joke about how we had all "worked" very hard to get to graduation day. However a few months ago I could have said that I wasn't working at all, because at the end of the day I actually enjoyed coming to work. That isn't the case anymore. I never knew how much morale actually played a role in the workplace until everyone's morale in the newsroom started to take a nosedive. Productivity is down, quality is falling and people are at each other's throats. It sucks. I am not entirely unaffected...my job has now become "work." I just come in to work...some days there are moments when I like what I do, when I make a good catch based on a follow up phone call....or if I get a tip from a source about a great story, but for the most part I'm doing my best to keep my head above water.

The positive thing is...I can come home to my new favorite website and create new abstract creations. It takes my mind off work and puts it onto art and culture. Ah...peacefulness.

Just in Time

Did you ever notice how the littlest thing can come along at just the right time to pull you out of the funk of life? It could be a simple thing like an email from a friend that comes along and just makes your day. These days I am learning to enjoy the simple things in life. Take this website for example: http://www.jacksonpollock.org/ This site is so cool. My friend Candra sent it to me. So simple, yet it can be terribly relaxing. In fact, I just had to take a quick break from this blog to go make some abstract art, (check out the site and that will make sense). Now I've lost my train of thought, so I guess I'm done posting today.

Cheers

Winning

Winning isn't everything, but it sure is nice when it happens. Today is a day that reminds me why I love being a journalist. I need these days every so often, because working 12 hour days with people yelling at you can kind of wear you down. It's kind of the curse of competence, the better you are, the more people expect of you at the assignment desk. But today, it was all (well almost all) worth it. I had been in a fight with the Department of Criminal Investigation, the State Medical Examiner and the Attorney General's office. There was a case we had been following and things just weren't adding up. For the past week I have been working, reading Iowa Code and on the phone trying to track down information. Today my work paid off because the AG's office called me and gave me the news that they will be convening a grand jury to investigate the case. It may not sound like a major deal, but it is for me. I followed up, followed my instincts and had the first major news in this case in three months. I beat the competition. I beat the newspaper. And I gained the respect of the A.G.'s office and the new head of the DCI. And really...the respect is all that matters.

Can't Sleep

I'm not sure why but I can't sleep tonight. It's almost 11 and nothing. I did sleep in today, I was up at 0830. This could be bad news for my Monday if my body won't sleep.

I went to visit the Healing Fields of Central Iowa on Friday night. If you are unfamiliar with the Healing Fields, it is a place where they have one flag for every victim of 9/11. We did several stories on the Fields, but I hadn't been -- so I went Friday night. 2,988 flags. When you look at the number of people that died on 9/11 that number just seems cold and distant. When you see 2,988 flags waving in the breeze the number becomes real and personal. When you walk through the flags, you are walking through the lives of 2,988 people. You stop and read the names. The pentagon, World Trade Centers, four different flights. The number becomes real. I didn't realize how many people were my age. I found people who were the same age I was when the attacks happened and they were killed. Were they interning at the Trade Centers? Were they flying as part of an exchange program?

My other thought as I walked through was seeing this many flags in one place. I was in England the summer after the attacks. One lecture we went to stuck out in my mind. You don't see the Union Jack flying many places in England. To them that sort of display is distasteful. The lecturer even pointed out the wave of patriotism that swept the United States after 9/11 and the flags that appeared on everywhere. I remember thinking that few people outside the United States could understand what our flag represents. That memory kept running through my mind, each time I stopped to read a name, or unwrap a flag that had become tangled around its pole. Even if our flag doesn't mean anything to people around the world. It means something to me. It means something to a lot of people.

Well those are my thoughts for now. Perhaps I shall try to sleep again. We'll see if the effort works out better this time.

By the way...I have a new blogger site. On my links list to the right, you can find a link to "My Pictures." I am going to start uploading some of the pictures I have taken around town to share with all of my friends and family.

Cheers.

Where were you?

Undoubtably this week someone has asked you "Where were you?" The curious wish to know what you were doing when you first heard about the attacks on 9/11/01. This memory is burned into each one of us...there are few people who can't remember exactly where they were, who they were with, what they were thinking and where they waited to hear more news. But has anyone asked you where you were on September 12? Doubtful. Does anyone remember where they were or what they did the day after 9/11? Probably not. I went back to school, back to class...the attacks were brought up, but it was business as usual in most of our lives. Many can remember the days following 9/11 because they were trapped in airports or stranded at overseas destinations, but what do you really remember about 9/12?

This "day-after" syndrome as I will refer to it is our national defense mechanism. It is a shared characteristic amoung the millions of people still in shock because of the horrific events from the day before. How many of your parents or grandparents talk about what they were doing on December 8, following the attack on Pearl Harbor? Most "day after" recollections are left-over from the day before. Why? Because most of the "day after" we were all still reliving the day before, whether we were aware of it or not. Reliving those moments when we first saw those two great towers aflame. The "day after" is a mix of saddness, anger and confusion.

Emotion clouds all of our memories. What were you doing the day after your significant other proposed to you? Where were you the day after a loved one died? What were you thinking thd day after your high school graduation? Most people don't remember, emotion clouds the memory...they are still caught up in the emotion of the day it happened, busy processing everything -- storing every detail of the emotional moment away.

Perhaps this is for the best. The day after always lags...it can never be as good or a memorable as the day before. In fact in many ways, the day after is almost always worse. The day after 9/11 we were getting body counts and grim facts about the attacks. The day after a proposal the enormity of wedding plans start to sink in. The day after the death of a loved one you are left with only memories of the good times. So perhaps this "day after" syndrome, while on the onset appears to be a design flaw, is actually the greatest gift of all. Would we be able to go through life as we do if we all remembered with as great of detail the day after major events as we did when they happened. What would life be like if we carried around the anguish of our feelings of 9/12 the way we carry our memories of the day before?

So that is the purpose of this post...the day after. It is the day after that we should truly remember what happened. Try to think about where you were the day after to find your true feelings about any situation. Or perhaps...try that tomorrow.

Cheers,
mE

Driving

Ok...this will most likley upset some people, but bear in mind it's just my reflection on my weekend driving. Women Drivers are driving me nuts in Iowa. I'm not saying women can't drive, or shouldn't drive...I'm just saying the ones I encountered this weeked shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel.



There was the woman who decided..."This lane says I can only go straight, but what the heck I'll make a left turn." Cutting me off and almost running me off the road. Then there was the woman who decided to go 30 in a 40 mile an hour zone...then she would speed up....then slow down...and then speed up...and I think you're getting the picture. Let's also not forget the woman at the exit ramp. "I'm going to go...nope, I'm not going to go....wait, yes I am...no...no I'm not." This would be understanable in heavy traffic, except for the fact that there was a special lane created for people coming off the interstate.

I don't blame all these incidents on these drivers being women...I blame it on them being idiots. I'm not anti-women, I'm anti-idiot. There are a fair amount of male idiots out there, but luckily I didn't have to encounter any of them this weekend. Maybe next time.

Frustration

Ok...so we've got food, water and sunlight. Three perfect things for a plant to survive. So why is my bamboo turning brown? Any solutions? I have to be the only person in the world that can kill a stick.

Return of the King

Lord of the Rings is so cool. I just bought the extended version of the 3rd part of the trilogy. Yeah, I know what's part 3 without the first two, but I was in the mood to get a new movie and I could only afford one new release, so I chose this one. It was my favorite of the three anyway. The thing I love about DVD's is that you can completely skip the boring parts, or parts that aren't your favorite. Goodbye plot exposition.

In the realm of movies and theatre...Valley High School is putting on the Laramie Project. That is a play about the community where Matthew Shepard was murdered. There's a bit of a controversy arising from the cake-eating suburbanites. I would venture a guess that most of their complaints are based on rumor and very few (if any) have read or seen the show. I believe that you shouldn't openly dismiss something without knowing at least something about it. How can you say you truly have faith or beliefs without knowing why you believe what you do. I am opposed to WDM teenagers putting on the Laramie Project because I am a firm believer that these high schoolers do not have the talent needed to pull of such a production. Many of the parents are concerned about the profanity and "adult" themes in the play. The school has gotten permission to remove much of the profanity. I'm not upset by the school's move, but this is play about a town where someone was murdered because of hate. I have been around some of these students and guess what...they know and use those words all the time. As far as adult themes...these students are getting ready to enter an adult world. Like it or not there is homosexuality in our world...and it is a part of life now. This play, done correctly, is a play about a community. Not about a person. Not an advertisement for "alternative" lifestyles. It is a story about a small town where a brutal, horrific crime was commited by two native sons. It captures the shock of how a community deals with near sensless brutality. Was Matthew Shepard gay...yes. Does that mean he deserved to die...no. That is what this show is supposed to capture, a community rocked to its core. Once again I will say...it's a dumb move for Valley because it requires a maturity that you will not find in preppy high schoolers.

Well it is about 2000 hours...and all I can think about is sleep. I told my news director this week that I am looking forward to a day when I can do more than work and sleep. I just wish I knew when that day will come. I have to go back in this weekend to finish stuff I didn't get done Friday. I did leave after only 9 1/2 hours today, so it serves me right for not putting in my normal 12 hour day. If only I got overtime pay...24 hours of overtime pay each week would make for quite a nice paycheck.

mE

An Optimistic Pessimist

People have often called me a pessimist...saying I see the worst side of everything. I prefer to think of myself as a realist. I'm the person with the rose-coloured glasses thinking life is cheery all the time with the sunflowers singing a Disney song. I'm also not the person who wears a bullet-proof vest because he's sure the mailman is going to shoot him when he says hello. A realist is more of an optimistic pessimist. When someone asks if the glass is half full or half empty, I ask whether you just poured something into it...or if you took a drink out of. If I just took a drink, then I would ask where is the waiter to fill up the glass. If it was just filled up, I ask where the waiter is that only filled up my glass halfway.

I wish I could see the best in people and actually believe it. However, in my few years in the news business I've learned that you actually can't trust people. If something seems too good to be true, it definitely is and odds are it is a public official who is trying to hide it from you or is making money off of it. I'm not saying everyone is a bad person, I think there are truly good people out there, but they are not a large part of the population. Good people tend to keep to themselves. They don't publish the fact that they aren't breaking the rules. They don't draw attention to themselves because they did the right thing. They just keep doing it...not for praise, but for themselves. To those people I say "Thanks." Thanks for keeping humanity going.

The obvious next question -- am I a good person? I'd like to think so, but I know that I've screwed up a lot in life. I will sometimes publish the great things I've done. So, by my definition, that takes away some of the good guy in me. However, my job does invite the absoute verbal abuse and it involves long hours with a lot of stress, so the fact that I seek out a little praise doesn't make me a bad person.

So I'm back to where I started. I'm a realist. Not perfect...not bad. Just me.

Keeping in Touch

Today I was chatting with a friend I met shortly before I left Joplin. She is now in Germany, spending a year studying abroad. It was a nice conversation...and it made me really miss all my friends back home and my time in college when I used to travel and study abroad. She pointed me to her blog where she has pictures of her travels. Then I followed her links to catch up on all my old friends. Wow. I am a horrible friend...I haven't really kept up with many people. I guess moving away will do that. I had to sign up for Xanga just so I could leave comments for them. I am vowing to do a much better job now.

Blogging is becoming a bigger part of the Honor's program at MSSU, and I really enjoy reading about the travels of all of my friends. The thing that makes me feel old is seeing them all grow up. The only people there now that I know were Freshmen, or incoming Freshmen when I was there. I did meet a couple of people because I was still in Joplin helping out on things when many of the new class started. However, in a couple of years I won't know anyone it seems like. The good news is that I think there are still some stories of me floating around. I left a little memorial in the Honor's Office, just so those people wouldn't forget me.

It's an interesting cross road that I am at. Longing for college, but at the same time being so glad to have that time behind me and knowing so much more now than I did then. I won't deny that I would love to go back to my Freshman year of college and change how I handled a few things...or at least go back to meet my old self and slap him around a bit. However, without those early failures, lessons and experiences I wouldn't be where I am now. There are many things I like about where I am now and what I'm doing. And then there is that nagging thought that things might have been different had I done somethings better or at least differently.

So here I am...at the same place I was when I started. I do miss my old friends...but at least the internet makes the distance seem less imposing. I also find myself not necessarily wanting to go back to college, but just to be around those friends again. That makes it imperative that I just continue working, building that resume so I can get my perfect job in the perfect place. So for now I say hello to all my friends and keep blogging so I can know what is happening in your lives.

mE

What is a Hero

Season 4 of Hogan's Heroes is now on DVD. It may sound corny, but that show is awesome. It's pretty much the same plot for every episode, they reuse stock footage all the time and the acting is cheesy most of the time. It's historically inaccurate and the plots are, as my grandmother would say, "thin enough to throw a cat through." But I love it. I know that sounds odd, because I have hated other movies with fewer faults than this, so I'm not sure why I do like it. Maybe because it requires no thinking, and there's a guy with an English accent.